Beware The Man That Uses Coercion To Get What He Wants
I’ve been uncomfortable and upset lately because I went on a few dates with a guy who tried taking advantage of me (on a park bench..
He was 38 and I’m 26 so there’s an age gap, idk if that’s relevant. He was feeling me up and kept kissing my back and hair and I wasn’t reciprocating and he said I looked closed off. I also wasn’t really attracted to him in any way. He had a fetish for my pale skin and kept touching my legs too. I dumped him after this and told him off, blocked him, but I’m still angry every day about this. I can’t help but blame myself for not just stomping off and booking an Uber. How can I cope and move forward? Thanks
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This will sound cliche, but what happened was not your fault. This man disregarded your boundaries. You didn’t stomp off or put him in his place because your fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response had kicked in.
You froze. That’s a common trauma response. You didn’t tell him off right then and there because you couldn’t. As a protective measure, your brain and body wouldn’t allow you to react. There is nothing you could have done in that situation. Your brain thought it best for you to say and do nothing and make no sudden moves.
You looked closed off BECAUSE YOU WERE. That was your body’s natural reaction: To shut down. Rather than read the goddamn room (or in this case, park bench) he proceeded to put you on the defensive in the hopes you’d give in.