Hello! In the past I have had friends tell me I look “too sexy.” And attract the wrong type of guys. I am blonde, natural big boobs, butt, lips. So I guess I have a natural “sexy.” Look. The only thing is I take pride in my appearance and I don’t think I should change how I am or look to attract a man. I think that someone should take the time to get to know you for you rather than how you look. But because of how I look I do attract the wrong type of men or just guys looking to hook up. How do I meet someone who’s actually a genuine guy?
It’s the internalized misogyny for me.
Telling a woman she looks too sexy and that’s why she attracts creepy men just looking for a quick hook-up is a way to shame the woman and excuse the man. We’re not going to do that.
There’s enough external messaging out there that tries to shame women for not looking like a Barbie Doll. We don’t need that kind of nonsense from other women.
You could wear a burlap sack and flip flops in your photos or to the club. There will still always be those men who sexualize you. The problem is their entitlement and views of women. Not your measurements or outfit.
I’m a size 12. I inherited my Dad’s full lips and my Mom’s curls.I wrote a thoughtful bio discussing my hobbies, my love for dogs, my small businesses, and how I love American Horror Story. I posted full body shots wearing bodycon dresses to show off my curves. Guess what men commented on first? My body and my lips.
The men just looking to hook-up are the ones throwing what they got against the wall hoping something sticks. Meaning, they’re spewing the same crap at every woman they match with waiting for one woman to engage. And some might. And that’s okay! If those women are just looking for a hook-up, then they have the same goals.
The reason people point at your physical presentation and suggest it’s the problem is because it’s a way to blame you/women in general. As a society, we have been conditioned to believe women are the gatekeepers of sex and therefore we need to behave in a certain way.
Don’t alter your appearance. Use it as a litmus test. Let the creeps tip their hands in their messages or initial comments. They always give themselves away. Then just block them.
And get better friends.