It's Time Women Put Themselves First

It's not about de-centering men. It's about centering women.

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In light of recent election results, we've heard the words "de-center men" a lot lately. The phrase alone needs to be revised as it focuses on men. It forces us to frame every aspect of our lives as it relates to or involves men. That needs to change. We shouldn't de-center men; we should center ourselves.

To do that, we need to shift the focus to our needs and goals and then consider how a man might fit into our worlds rather than vice versa.

So, where do we start?

• Set Personal Goals: Establishing goals for career, hobbies, fitness, or education allows women to invest in their passions and ambitions, keeping their attention on personal achievements. When we're actively dating, we spend so much time trying to decipher literal and figurative messages. Imagine your life if you channel that energy into creating your ideal life, home, or career. By centering ourselves, we would clear up immeasurable space in our mental hard drives.

• Create a Strong Support Network: Romantic relationships are no more important than those with trusted friends and loved ones. I've mentioned on numerous podcast episodes how my True Crime discord has had a profound effect on my mental health and quality of life. We host daily check-in sessions where we discuss what's going on in our lives. I'm forever grateful I had them in the months before my dog, Luca, passed. The exhaustion and grief triggered a very dark depressive episode. Without them, Sarah and you guys, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. Knowing I have a community of women willing to listen and support me means I'm not seeking it from the wrong people.

• Practicing Self-Care and Self-Love: Prioritizing mental and physical well-being helps reinforce the idea that happiness and self-worth come from within, not from external validation. As women, we're discouraged from putting ourselves first. Society conditions us to be caregivers and nurturers, and we deplete ourselves and drain the energy needed to care for ourselves. Taking time to tend to your well-being isn't selfish. It's an act of self-preservation.

• Developing Hobbies and Passions: Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment helps maintain independence and ensures that personal happiness isn't solely linked to a romantic partner.

• Establishing Clear Boundaries: Setting boundaries with dating and relationships ensures that women prioritize their needs and standards, making it easier to avoid settling or compromising too much. Women who date men must communicate their expectations as early as possible. Women must take the time to perform a personal inventory and determine their ideal relationship. That includes identifying your preferred communication style, pace, and how much time you're willing to invest before all your needs and expectations are met.

You build a stronger identity outside of external relationships when you stop focusing all your energy on what men think, want, or expect. This mentality has numerous benefits.

• Greater Self-Focus: By shifting focus away from men, you invest more in personal growth. You'll develop reliable intuition and attunement. There will be less second-guessing yourself, which boosts self-esteem and overall happiness.

• More explicit Boundaries: De-centering men helps you prioritize boundaries that align with your values instead of compromising for others. That includes family members, co-workers, and others disrespecting your wishes.

• Less Emotional Dependency: With men no longer as the main focus, you become more emotionally self-reliant, reducing the impact of dating ups and downs. This is especially beneficial for those who struggle with anxious attachment issues. You'll be less likely to be triggered when you no longer analyze and internalize the other person's behavior.

• Improved Decision-Making: Once you start prioritizing yourself, you'll become more selective about people and situations in which you invest your time.

• Increased Confidence: When you de-center men, you recognize your worth isn't defined by a relationship, which fosters stronger self-confidence in all areas of life.

De-centering men will allow you to blossom in areas where you've played small. When you don't worry about being likable, you put your goals first. Making choices based solely on what makes you happy or fulfilled is liberating, whether in career decisions, creative projects, or even self-care routines.

Centering yourself puts you in control of your whole life—not just your dating life. It helps you reclaim your time, energy, and attention for things that truly nourish you. Once you start doing that, you realize how much more fulfilling living on your terms can be.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.