Feeling nostalgic, I logged in to HBO Max and re-watched the premiere episode of Sex and The City.
We’re first introduced to Samantha while they’re out at Miranda’s birthday dinner. Much to Charlotte’s horror, Samantha advised the women to start having sex “like men.” Forget about romance and emotional connection. Prioritize your pleasure and stop over-thinking.
All Samantha wants is sex. In fact, at a birthday celebration with her three friends, she advises them: "You can say 'screw it,' just go out and have sex like a man." Samantha then explains what she means, telling her friends they should just have sex "without feelings." - Things you never noticed about the first episode of Sex and The City.
Please like and share !
Carrie decides to test Samantha’s sage words. While out to lunch with Stanford, she ran into an ex-fling. Stanny begs Carrie to stay away from…Sean? Marcus? I have no idea. That’s how one-dimensional the secondary male characters were. On purpose, I suspect. They were written as stereotypes. They weren’t supposed to be memorable because it wasn’t about them.
Anyhoo, Carrie walks up to This Guy at the bar and suggests an afternoon hook-up. This Guy obliges. Cut to Carrie moaning in pleasure off-camera. (SJP famously had a no-nudity clause in her contract.) As Carrie lays there catching her breath, This Guy’s head peeks out from under the sheets. Now that Carrie was satisfied, it was his turn. Carrie makes up an excuse and says she has to leave. There would be no reciprocity. Carrie strutted down what I think was Fifth Avenue, proud of what she’s just accomplished. Samantha was right. Having sex like men was fun!
Her bubble soon bursts when she runs into This Guy at a downtown party. He tells her he was pretty upset that she took off without taking care of him. On the upside, he expressed relief that Carrie finally understood the type of relationship he wanted.
“Call me,” This Guy said. “If I‘m alone, I’m all yours.” Before she could reply, a beautiful statuesque woman slinks up and whispers in his ear. This Guy introduces the two women, who exchange polite hellos.
Awkward.
This Guy slips his arm around the other woman’s slim waist and turns to leave, leaving Carrie rooted in place, watching them walk away. Suddenly, Carrie didn’t feel so empowered. To her, “sex like a man” meant sleeping with someone and then acting in a way that left their partner feeling insecure and neurotic. Carrie got off thinking she’d hurt This Guy’s feelings because that was her experience. If This Guy wasn’t consumed with confusion over what he’d done to make her leave so quickly, what was the point?
Samantha was a different story. Unlike Carrie, Samantha had her life together. She was financially stable, professionally established, and possessed an unshakeable sense of herself. She didn’t need validation from men, which allowed her to engage in casual encounters without remorse. She never let a man define her.
On the other hand, Carrie internalized every perceived slight. Her relationship became her entire personality. She needed male attention because she didn’t know who she was. To make things worse, she was drawn to men who made her beg for their attention. The first episode foreshadowed her relationship with Big in many ways. None more evident than when she described This Guy as “a self-centered withholding creep.”
Sound familiar?
Big was introduced in Season One, Episode One. We’re led to believe he was nothing more than a cliche. The Manhattan Investment Banker who had so many romantic options he couldn’t choose just one and avoided emotional attachments like the plague. When Samantha overtly propositions him at a downtown party, he politely rejects her offer. Later, when he drives Carrie home, he reveals he’s not the hit-it-and-quit-it type.
“Have you ever been in love?” Carrie asks him. To which he replies with that now famous line.
“Absofuckinglutely.”
We’re introduced to Charlotte at her gallery. “Men are intimidated by successful women,” she says. “If you want to get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut and play by the rules.”
Looking back, I think many of us underestimated Charlotte’s approach. She knew how to play the game, and she played it well.
Later in the week, Charlotte is on a date with That Guy, a “toxic bachelor.” He has everything Charlotte wants in a man: status, money, and a gorgeous apartment. Charlotte was in search of a pedigree, not a partner. Knowing what we know now, that sure bit her in the ass. Against her better judgment, Charlotte returns to That Guy’s apartment after their first date. Try as he might, he can’t convince Charlotte to stay over. He walks her to a cab, kisses her goodnight, and asks her plans for the following Saturday. Charlotte is buoyant. That is until That Guy scooches beside her in the cab. He’s headed to a party.
“I get where you’re coming from, and I respect it,” he says to a dumbfounded Charlotte. “But I really need to have sex tonight.”
“Charlotte thought she’d played everything right,” Carrie says in her voiceover. This was a valuable lesson to single women everywhere: It didn’t matter if you followed stupid rules or slept with him on the first date. Men like That Guy would disrespect you and your boundaries regardless.
In Midtown, Miranda explains that once women reach a certain age, they should keep their standards as high as possible. “Why settle?” she asks.
In 1998, this entire episode was revelatory. It spawned conversations like whether men were intimidated by successful women and whether women were capable of having casual sex without getting attached.
This episode certainly had cringe-inducing moments, like the perpetual body-shaming, but it proved Sex and The City was ahead of its time in many ways. Nearly twenty-five years later, these questions are still part of the mainstream discourse about dating. Whether that’s a good thing or bad, I’m not sure. What I can say is Samantha turned out to be the most prescient character. She was the epitome of Men Ain’t Shit, which is why I wish she’d return to the reboot. That’s what the show needs: A female character that decenters men.
We didn’t understand her then. In the early aughts, we saw her as the sexually liberated one and little else. Now we realize she was so much more multi-faceted than we knew.
Annabelle Bronstein, we need you more than ever.
I’m going to make this a regular feature. If there’s any episodes you want me to cover, let me know in the comments.
I watched this whole series for the first time 6 months ago!!! I’m 63 & loved it!!
My co-worker calls me Samantha. lol. She’ll say “Samantha wouldn’t let that guy get to her!!! Chanel your inner Samantha!!!! lol
Sex & the City just launched on Netflix in Latin America this month. It was celebrated by a lot of women on social media, and last night I was talking to a friend who was just starting Season 2. It was so interesting to hear echoes of the past from a newly exposed person. "I want to move to New York and live like Carrie!" "I really love Big. There is just something so... sexy about him. No, it isn't the money, although the money doesn't hurt hahaha".