The #1 Way To Get Men To Respect Your Boundaries
I’m (24f) fairly certain I’m being ghosted by (30m) from hinge after having sex on our second date. To add insult to injury, after he suggested the wine and charcuterie night at his place; I expressed hesitation and reaffirmed my intentions going into things.
He immediately sent back three voice memos saying something to the effect of I’ve made what I’m looking for clear, and we’re on the same page. He would never do anything I’m not comfortable with, but he finds me attractive and wants to get closer but no rush, etc etc etc. I feel like an idiot for believing this tool’s intentions were in the right place, and for thinking two consenting adults could have relations without this nonsense occurring.
The only reason why I allowed things to progress physically was that in the moment I thought he was sincere not to mention I hadn’t been intimate with anyone for a long time; mainly for this exact reason! Dealing with dudes with disingenuous intentions was honestly why I took a long break from dating to begin with.
I’m aware there are no guarantees in life, but I’m so tired of feeling like I need to be on defence mode 24/7 in dating. I’d spent a lot of time deconstructing my negative (acquired complexes) around sex due to past experiences with men who treated me like dirt afterwards. I’ve had sex on the first date and it lead to a relationship, and conversely I’ve waited four months and been ghosted right after. I’m starting to feel extremely bitter and jaded, to the extent where I can’t trust men at all.
Any advice on how to not internalize these experiences as a failure on my part? I feel like the majority of guys I’ve dated didn’t view me as a person, but rather an easy notch in their belt. The soul crushing apathy and blatant disregard for common decency is extremely disheartening to say the least.
I’m starting to feel extremely bitter and jaded, to the extent where I can’t trust men at all.
You can’t trust men. They’ve matured and been educated in an environment where they don’t have to be accountable. It’s going to take a lot of deprogramming for that to change. Until then, women who date men have to develop the resolve necessary to stand their ground when it comes to boundaries.