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Dateology Coach Podcast
The Idea of You Review

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The Idea of You Review

There was very little com in this rom.

Photo credit - Amazon MGM Studios

My expectations for The Idea of You were around six out of ten. The buzz on Threads was relatively positive. Some even said the story of Solene, a forty-year-old woman having a lusty affair with Hayes, a twenty-five-year-old pop star gave much-needed attention to the vibrancy of women over forty. The discourse surrounding the movie also addressed the double standard in our society, where men can date significantly younger women without judgment while women who do it are pathetic.

I’m an equal-opportunity offender, so here’s my hot take: they’re both predatory vampires trying to suck the youth out of their fresh-faced counterparts due to their internal ageism and fear of mortality. To be clear, I’m talking about relationships where the younger partner isn’t just several years junior but where there’s a great disparity in life experience. A forty-year-old dating a thirty-year-old isn’t the same level of Ick that would be a forty-year-old dating a twenty-four-year-old. The age gap isn’t the problem. It’s that the older partner has been around the block more and can - and often does - exploit that to their advantage. I’ve spoken about The Familiarity Principle before. That’s where we gravitate towards what we know because it feels safe. Commonalities in interests and ideologies help build rapport and, eventually, intimacy.

The film failed to show me what Solene and Hayes had in common beyond physical attraction. The script had them saying, “I love you,” but never showed the audience why beyond the fact that he was younger and she was older.

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Dateology Coach Newsletter
Dateology Coach Podcast
Incisive and unflinching dating advice that decenters men and reminds women that staying single is a valid - and sometimes optimal - choice.