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In This Episode:
I talk about the idea that being chronically single is bad and that it results from being “too broken.”
A woman’s crush on her therapist inspires a conversation about the connection between trauma and limerance.
I answer the following letter from a listener:
I was talking to a man for nearly 2 weeks and things seemed to be going fine. He’s in a PhD and internship this summer so he’s really busy. We live in different cities so we were trying to plan a date to see one another. Anyway, I’m noticing red flags now that I look back. The first day we talked he started talking a lot about the future and how I’m “looks and brains-wise future wife material.”
He came on strong. The thing is most days he was moody and only talked about how stressed he was with work. I told him I had a bad day once and he just clicked the thumbs down icon. Also, to note, he also seemed to have some anger issues because one day on the phone I heard him yell at his front desk concierge “fuck you” just because he asked to see his ID twice.
I was still into him because he hooked me from the start, but every day I felt drained from putting so much energy into this person and trying to be perfect. I made sure he was fine while he was stressed out and consistently sent him positive affirmations or recommendations on how to solve certain problems. Mid-week he told me he was sick and his texts started getting dryer out of nowhere. This last Thursday we FaceTimed and he said let’s make a definitive plan to meet - let’s talk about it more in-depth tomorrow. He fell asleep on me multiple times during calls.
He texted me after the call and wished me a good night and called me “baby.” The next morning he asked if I have an Instagram and I said I don’t but I have Facebook. Then, I heard nothing from him until I reached out that evening to ask about our plans and he called me really quick and said he’s too tired to talk and that we can talk tomorrow. Then the next day, nothing. I reached out and he was really angry and said he’s sick and called me immature and childish just for messaging him on a different platform versus text. He told me “if you do that again, there won’t be a call later.” I complied, and still he didn’t reach out later. No text the next day either. I haven’t confronted him, but I’m curious as to what could have transpired and why he turned into a complete jerk? It’s also worth noting that he sent me a lot of sexually objectifying texts over our span of talking and even asked if I touched myself thinking of him; he also mentioned that he’d tell me his preferred nickname after I become his girlfriend. I’m very distraught and exhausted over his mixed signals and while I know he’s not a good guy, I can’t help but feel like I’d fallen super short somewhere.
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